Screwed.edu
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
