pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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