Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
