I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
