Define "chronic" masturbator.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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