I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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