youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize