who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
