Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
