I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
