she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
