Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
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