Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
