They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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