I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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