Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
