hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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