he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize