I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
