Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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