can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
birth control should be required to get into college
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
