so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
