Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
