Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
