he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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