when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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