Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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