I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
