Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
