omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
