does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
