You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I need water and some morals
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
