I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
