i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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