Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
