we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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