I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
