I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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