I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
