There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
