how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
