she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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