i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
