You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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