I just cut my nipple shaving
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
