last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
