Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
