Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
