So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
