the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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