Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
