This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
