I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
