the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
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