Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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