You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
