I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
