i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
