I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
