if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
