wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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