I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
