remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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