i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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