Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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