Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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