i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
