She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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