why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
