I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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