just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
