The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
